


hell is a place on earth (with you)

by shokubeni



Series: ivory&black [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Battle of Hogwarts, Canon-Typical Violence, Death Eaters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shokubeni/pseuds/shokubeni
Summary: hogwarts is controlled by death eaters and voldemort supporters,what happens to slytherins who don't know their place?





	hell is a place on earth (with you)

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't write in forever, and this has been sitting in my drafts for at least a year.  
> i always like to imagine what life inside hogwards would have been for slytherin who didn't take sides, also, i like to make theo suffer, i am sorry for him

Carrow made all of them stand up, segregated by houses, the Slytherin in the first rows, standing proudly before any other students, like it _should_ be. Theo had tried to keep himself as further in the back as he managed, Draco was proudly standing in the very first row, the spotlight, next to Pansy and Daphne, Goyle and Crabble and Millicent. Blaise was standing right behind of them, and Theo was in the third and last row of the Slytherin students, standing next to what it seemed a quite shook Tracey Davis.

“My name is Amycus Carrow.” The big, bulky man said, as he started to walk around the students, analysing them and scrutinizing them more than just looking at them. Theo tried to stand up, unfazed, but it was rather difficult. “I am your new teacher of _Dark Arts_.” There was a chuckle after he said that, and the shiver running down Theo spine made him shudder.

His thoughts went into a spiral of his father and his Death Eater friends, and what they were capable of, what kind of things they were going to be up to, and he had missed whatever Carrow was talking about. The  _noble cause_ of the course, the things they were going to focus on, and the emphasize of a  _practical approach_ . Theo only heard properly the last part of the speech, but it was enough to make him shudder.

“But let's see who we have here...” Carrow continued, and this time, he started to walk around the Slytherin students, his smile turned somehow proud, less menacing looking, but still not friendly at all. The only adjective Theo could find to describe the man, was utterly terrifying. “Ah. Malfoy, Greengrass, Parkinson, Goyle, Crabble...” He seemed to bask in the pride that saying all those names. Big, pure-blood ones. 

And Theo visibly shivered again.

He saw how Carrow started to walk around the second row, and how his eyes locked with Blaise for a fleeting second, he wasn't reciting names then, but his smile seemed still prideful, until he reached to the third row, and his eyes looked directly for his, and Theo couldn't help the shiver, and the gulp as Carrow's proud smile turned into what it seemed an amused grin.

“Your father has always talked lots about you, Theodore, am I right?” Still looking directly into his eyes, Carrow started to speak with a scowl, before laughing, not even waiting for Theo to nod. It was, kind of a deja vu, like Theo was suddenly in the presence of his father again. That kind of snarling, words so pointed and a tone so cruel that you felt them cutting deep in your flesh, it was something Theodore Nott was sadly too familiar with.

“So _quiet,_ so _shy,_ so _unwilling_. All that potential and no ambition, truly a pity.” He made a flourish movement with his hand, laughed again, and Theo's stomach scrunched in anger, and fear. And unpleasant memories, thousand of them flashing in his mind. “Useless, not like some of the very promising lads here.” He knew he was talking about Draco, but he tried really hard not to give any reaction.

“Your father always blamed your mother about it, did you know?” It was the mention of his mother the last test to Theo's patience and façade, his eyes narrowing and his jaw tensing, even if he was trying not to give in, because it was exactly what the other wanted. Carrow noticed however, and his grin deepened on his face, like he was enjoying the reaction he was getting out of him, the bloody _sadistic_ bastard. “He complained she made a _sissy_ out of you, _boy_.”

An echo of gasps and chuckles could be heard after that, and Theo's face blushed in  _shame_ and exposure, his eyes closing shut with a wince. This was a living nightmare for him, to be the centre of attention, and such an awful one. He was sure most of his classmates knew about him, rumours and news travel too fast when you were the son of a death eater with dubious reputation, but to be out in the open like this... Theo could  _feel_ the stares of everyone burning in his skin, and he noticed this was worse than any of his nightmares. He could chose those with a heartbeat.

He felt his breathing catching up in his throat and his vision blurring, but he tried to use all the willpower and the bravery he wasn't quite sure he did have to hold back and not break down in front of Carrow. That would be possibly the last thing he could do, the worst case scenario. He had just lost the habit out of it, but he could bounce back. It was easy.

At least, it _used_ to be easy. Most of the time, after the last biggest snarl of words, came the punches, or the waves of the wand, and then it came the pain.  
Oh, the pain.  
Theo was used to it, it was like greeting an old friend.

After all, that was how Theo's entire childhood had been like, defined by fear and pain. He had spent years listening to the same comments, the laughs, the mocking, the blows against his face and the hits of magic against his body. Hogwarts was the opportunity to break away from the cruelness of his father, his imprisonment in Akzaban had been the greatest news Theo could have ever received in his entirely life, and he truly thought he was saved, shielded from the screams, and the disappointment and the hurt.

But not any more, with Carrow looking at him like he was a piece of meat he was about to chew on and spit, Theo was back to how his life used to be.  
And it wasn't that easy anymore.

Carrow didn't hold back, though, and with the most menacing and terrifying grin Theo had ever seen, he took a few steps closer to him, until he was standing right in front of him. He rolled the sleeve of his robe with one hand, while holding his wrist tightly with the other, no matter how hard Theo tried to resist the force. It revealed pale, unmarred skin, and the grin of Carrow's face faded, and his fingers started to press so hard around Theo's wrist he was sure his bones were going to snap in half. “So bloody shameful.” He said, pressing again, and Theo's mouth finally opened, releasing a shout of pain, that made Carrow snort again. “Definitely,  _sissy_ .”

Theo tried to fight it back, using all his physical strength before Carrow was going to break his arm as easily as you would rip off a piece of parchment. He was terrified, shivering, but no one around him moved. He saw Blaise's tilting his head to the side, very slowly, but Theo pleaded silently for the other not to say anything. To not get involved. Not to make it worse.

But the more he pulled back the harder Carrow held him, the more scared and helpless Theo felt. It was impossible for him to know what he was going to do to him. It could be anything. He could throw a cruciatus curse at him until he was satisfied, he could throw him against the wall of the room in the same fashion as his father did, he could break his arms with only the force of his fingers, and Theo couldn't do anything to fight against him.

Nothing.

And somehow Theo started to feel like his mind was drifting away from there, he wasn't in a schoolroom at Hogwarts, he was back at home, and he was younger, smaller, but equally terrified, standing in front of his father, waiting for something terrible to happen, always worse than before.

He came back to reality with a scream, his eyes widening with terror when his arm was sliced open and he only saw  _red_ , a flow of blood dripping to the floor. The pain wasn't like anything Theo experienced before, not memory of his father and his fists or his wand, he almost felt the taste in the tip of his tongue, feeling it running down his spine, too intense, like a lightning striking on a tree.

Blaise turned around then, and his jaw was so tense, it almost seemed like all his teeth were going to give in at the strength. No one was moving, no one was saying anything, and the room was painfully silent, but for the heavy breathing of Theo, his sobs, and the loud laugh of Carrow as he walked around him.

“We should all thank Theodore, because we received a very good lesson today.” Carrow said, smirking, and at some point, Theo's kneels finally gave up, collapsing on the floor, but it only made Carrow laugh more, while everything around Theo was turning crimson red, his vision blurry. “There's only one good choice, lads.” He simply said, and then he gripped Theo's hand again, almost looking satisfied when the cut started to bleed faster when he did so. “Only one right side.”

He held him tightly, smirking, the rivulets of Theo's blood covering his fingertips, in a silence that seemed to last centuries, even if they were seconds. “Class is dismissed.” Carrow finally said with a laugh, letting go of Theo's arm and leaving the room. Whatever  _lesson_ he was trying to give, not only Theo, but any of them, escaped him as he was too  _busy_ trying to grasp what was going on.

He couldn't see anything in front of him, his vision completely unfocused and cloudy but he noticed someone moving and kneeling next to him. It was Daphne, her usual composed and beautiful face pale and sporting a grimace of terror. She wanted to touch him, to help him, to do something, but she was completely overtaken by the situation, screaming almost incoherently. Theo thought that on top of her voice, he could hear Draco's, Blaise's and Pansy's too, but he felt like he was close to lose his consciousness at each second passed by, feeling the blood falling to the floor in drops, feeling and hearing each drip, and drip, and drip.

It seemed like everything was moving too fast after it, like everyone was hurrying. Now Daphne and Pansy seemed to be screaming at each other, and unconsciously, Theo tried to look for Blaise, even if the blood loss was making him slip into unconsciousness. It was funny, the feeling of not belonging to your own body, it was almost relieving, like he wasn't the one bleeding himself to death but a mere spectator of the situation. It was like he wasn't there, probably because Theo really didn't want to be there at all. 

He almost missed Snape walking inside the classroom with a twirl of his robes and determined steps, as he kneeled next to him, wand in his hand, muttering a spell he couldn't really recognise with his very low voice, the wound closing until it was just his unmarred skin again, like  _nothing_ had happened, even if it did, and Theo's eyes were glued to his pale skin.

Snape looked at him for a second, and even if his expression was unreadable, as most of the time was, Theo thought that there was a  _hint_ of something, a flash in his eyes that was a mixture of pity and worry, but it disappeared as soon as it came, when Snape got up with another twirl of his robes, looking at everyone. 

“Go back to your dorms, immediately.” He didn't wait for anyone showing any reaction or responding, leaving the room as quick as possible after saying that. It seemed like chaos for a fleeting moment after it, when some people started to run away when they had permission to leave. Even the Slytherin students.

Only Draco, Blaise, Daphne and Pansy stayed, creating a circle around where Theo was kneeling on the floor. He was shivering, and he was in a state of instant shock, he was sure he probably couldn't get up, or walk, or talk, or do  _anything_ . He was too focused on the pale skin of his arm, to notice what was going on, still drowning in Carrow's words, in the fear that this event was going to reach his father and his reaction was going to be ten times  _worse_ than a cut in his skin.

Daphne was still kneeling next to him, but this time she was quiet, as if she didn't know which was best, talk to him, or touch him, or help him to get up. Theo didn't know either. He felt strangely tired, like his head was filled with air, and his clothes were soaked in blood. He still didn't know if he was able to get up, as he felt his entire body shivering still.

Blaise didn't take long to kneel down next to him as well, taking the place next to Daphne, he knew when he kneeled that all his clothes were going to be ruined thank to his blood, and somehow, a feeling of guilt took over him. “Theo.” He heard Blaise whisper, but he didn't know where his mind was going. “Theo, please.”

Blaise had a very nice voice, a deep rumble like a refined wind instrument, Blaise also had very nice, warm and big hands, and Blaise smelt like sandalwood and black orchid. Familiar. Like relief. And Blaise always understood him, because Blaise _knew_. Blaise had seen his bruises and kissed his scars. Blaise was good, Blaise was like home. Blaise was like an anchor that held him steady and up.

“Blaise.” He said, but his voice was so hoarse, and his throat was so closed up, the name finally came out as voiceless. Theo blinked up at him, and this time, his eyes were blurry with unshed tears. He was so tired, and he was so afraid. His throat felt like burning, and he licked his chapped lower lips before speaking again. “Blaise...” This time, his voice was there, but it was so small, and so broken, he could see Blaise's jaw tensing in anger and frustration because of it.

But no one said anything else after that, and Theo felt himself being lifted from the floor. It was an effort to barely stand up, Theo felt like a newborn fawn, his legs barely holding himself up, but before he knew, they apparated to the Slytherin common room. The atmosphere was very tense, and no one really was speaking, people were staying together in small groups, but no one seemed to dare to say anything.

Pansy, holding Daphne's hand, kissed his cheek promising she would check on him later with one of her sleeping draught potions, before Blaise helped him to get to the room they shared together, dropping him on his own bed. Theo was shivering again, and his hands clung to the bloodied-fabric of his trousers until his knuckles started to turn white, tears threatening to come down from his eyes, his breathing dangerously close to what it seemed like a panic attack.

Blaise hesitated about what to do. He had seen Theo in one of his lows, and his lowers, but he had never seen him like this before. And it was terrifying. He wanted to help him and comfort him, but he didn't want to put him into more stress or make him feel more vulnerable. He was put in such a tense and horrible situation, and Blaise only wanted to make it better. What he did, was move close enough so Theo was the one to make the first move, if he wanted to.

This was familiar too. There was about a foot of a distance between them, and silence. Theo still clung to the nasty fabric of his trousers, eyes half closed, breathing in and out, and _in and out_ , trying to push away the anxiety and the fear out of him with each inhale and exhale. Next to him, Blaise _waited_ , his eyes fixated in Theo in case something triggered him, and an intervention was needed, but mostly just waiting, and hoping that with each breathe, Theo would find his centre and come back to him. Like he always did.

Time was always lost when something like this happened, but it couldn't have been more than twenty minutes when Theo started to move. Shyly, carefully, like a stray cat searching for food. There were tears running silently down his cheeks, and his body was shivering again. Blaise had to bite the inside of his cheeks not to scream, thinking about how unfair all this was, that Theo, from all people, had to endure this.

But it was no time for anger, and he had to focus on Theo only. He moved, carefully, until he was facing him, and almost like he was handling the most expensive piece of glass, he turned Theo around as well, his thumbs wiping off the moist and the tears off Theo's cheeks, before pulling him into his arms, Theo colliding against his chest with a sob.

“We will leave this place.” Blaise whispered, and Theo would have missed it if it wasn't because he was leaning against his chest, the vibrations of his voice soothing him, like it echoed through his whole being. He fell silent again, and he began to thread his fingers through his hair, slowly, while Theo seemed only to be able to cry, and cry.

“We will leave this place.” Blaise repeated, and Theo wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself, or just him. “We will leave to Italy, we will drink wine basking in the sun, and we will forget about all this rubbish.” It was like story-telling, and it made Theo smile weakly, through his tears. It seemed like a fairy tale, with a sunkissed Blaise as the protagonist. “I promise you, caro, I do.” 

Wrapped in his embrace, Theo wanted to believe him. With half closed eyes, each of Blaise's heartbeats thrumming against his chest, and Blaise's fingers still threading through his hair, Theo imagined an expanse of beaches and the sun tickling his skin and Blaise smirking against a glass of aged wine. The image was strong, and the most he drowned into it, the most he was able to forget about Carrow's words, and the pain, and the blood.  
He could only feel the sun, the beach breeze, Blaise's perfect white smile.  
A distant future, or a close one, without a war and without Death Eaters and without Amycus Carrow or Voldemort or his father. A distant future of sand and water, and Blaise.

Soon after, with all the exhaustion and the fear, but wrapped in the fantasy of Blaise's tale, Theo fell asleep in his arms.

 

**Author's Note:**

> say hi to me at my [tumblr](https://crvdence.tumblr.com)!


End file.
